Emo Music, & How It Saved My Life

10/27/2020

In 2017, things were bad for me. My grades were low, people were arguing with me left and right, and things were bad at home. I didn't know how much longer I could go on, though I just want to make it clear that I never once thought about suicide, or hurting myself to make the pain less.

I was low. I didn't laugh or smile, and I didn't joke. I didn't know what each day would bring, and quite honestly, I didn't want to find out.

2017 was the year that I found music. Or rather, my best friend at the time found it, and then made me listen to it with her. If I was still friends with her, then I'd probably thank her, because she is the reason that I am writing this now.

Music is my greatest love and my greatest passion. Combined with writing, it is what I want to do with my life. Everything I want to be is to do with the two of them; music journalist, and also a musical biographer such as Ray Connolly or Lesley-Ann Jones.

At first, I didn't know it was emo music. I just thought it was slightly loud, and like nothing I had ever heard before. My mum had always been a fan of house & garage music, so that was what she'd played in the car on the way to school - what was My Chemical Romance, and why did I feel like they were so special?

American band 'My Chemical Romance', formed in 2001 by brothers Gerard (front centre) and Mikey Way (second in from left), Frank Iero (second in from right) and Ray Toro (far right). Drummer Bob Bryar (far left) was not a founding member and left MCR in 2010)

Once working out that yes, I was indeed listening to emo music, I went from My Chemical Romance, to Fall Out Boy, a band which is referred to as another part of 'The Emo Trinity', Panic! At The Disco being the other third - but we'll come onto Brendon Urie in a moment.

Fall Out Boy were the first band that I ever saw in concert. What an experience that was. We (my best friend and I) had nosebleed seats that were up in the highest area of the O2 Arena, London, but that didn't stop us. We danced and sang and screamed until our throats were raw and our heads thrummed, our legs aching from standing up for the entire show. After that, we didn't stop. Five concerts in 2018, and another two or three in 2019, though not all of them were well-known bands. As we went to more concerts, we made more 'emo' friends, and listened to their favourite artists. Our tastes changed.

American rock band 'Fall Out Boy', consisting of (from left to right) drummer Andy Hurley, guitarist and lead vocalist Patrick Stump, bassist and back-up vocalist Pete Wentz, and guitarist Joe Trohman

Suddenly, things didn't seem so bleak anymore.

I had friends, and a life outside of my school - I had music. I'd recently started getting into buying CDs, and that was a huge hobby of mine (and an expensive one, at that).

We wrote fanfiction and read it, too. We bought every issue of Kerrang! magazine, and stuck the posters on our walls. We printed off photos from Boots' photo machines and filled the gaps between our posters with them.

But then we both started to listen to other things. She went to Indie music, and I stayed with emo for a little bit longer before moving onto Queen and The Beatles. We found other friends and drifted apart there, too. Suddenly, we weren't the two fifteen-year-olds sharing earphones and dreams of one day attending a My Chemical Romance concert together. We became a trio - another friend of ours had recently gotten into Panic! At The Disco, so we went to see them in concert at the O2 Arena in March 2019. My best friend and I also met Brendon Urie at a promotional poster signing at HMV Oxford Street.

At that point, my life seemed pretty good. I'd done amazing things in just over a year - and we planned (the three of us), to see My Chemical Romance in concert in 2020 at Milton Keynes... but then coronavirus hit. We were put on lockdown, the concerts rescheduled - but I had an argument with my two friends and they didn't want to see My Chemical Romance with me anymore. So that was it. No more emo music for the three of us together. No more secretly indulging in the black clothes, the eyeliner and the fanfiction which would be considered odd if you knew what was in it.

Now I am alone when I occasionally indulge and put my emo CDs on - I may listen mainly to The Beatles and Queen now, but I can't deny the urge when it comes. I think I will always love the emo bands - doesn't that show when I still know every word to every song? When I just bought a My Chemical Romance album on vinyl?